Wednesday night as I watched my weekly dose of Adam Levine via NBC’s The Voice, I wondered what we all wonder when we see Adam or listen to “She Will Be Loved.” Why am I not a super model?
And why aren’t we, collectively speaking? It can’t be that hard. Yeah, sure, genetics help a little bit, but we are led to believe that we are all beautiful in our own right. At least, that’s what Christina Aguilera (speaking of The Voice) tells us in “I am beautiful,” as well as every high school teacher we’ve ever had/foundation commercial we’ve ever seen.
At first thought, I decided that we are not super models because most of us don’t live in California or New York. We are victims of circumstance and it’s not our fault that our parents chose some unequivocally lame place to raise us! So they’re completely and entirely to blame for our misfortunes in the modeling world. But I ultimately decided the reason must delve deeper than geography. A lot of super models are discovered in Brazil or “Namibia,” wherever the actual hell that is, (it’s in southern Africa) pretty far from either coastal hot spot of NYC or LA. So why is it that they have been discovered and we haven’t?
Could the reason be that the endless slices of pizza we occasionally binge on really do go to our thighs, despite constant reassurance from our family and roommates that they don’t? Do thirty squats a day really keep the cellulite away? And our belief that these ideas could never be true, leaves us with a body that just is not model worthy? No, no. No way. The suspicion petrifies me to the point that I am so over it. So I’m going to go with—no, this is not the reason we are not supermodels.
I also dabbled with the theory that frankly, the world is just overrun with tall people—and we didn’t know what else to do with them professionally. If you are tall and were not blessed enough to be an athlete, weren’t you genuinely screwed in the workforce before modeling? I mean, what else could you be? A monster in a scary movie? A professional light bulb changer? A life-sized cherry picker? Well let me tell you, none of those businesses are booming (I guess I wouldn’t really know that, I can only speculate). However since the unemployment rate of our vertically gifted friends would be so incredibly high, it is obvious to assume that our country and other countries alike have chosen to embrace them in modeling. So, whatever—fair.
I suspect this is the reason Adam Levine settles for models, too. Out of charity. What a compassionate and tender-hearted guy.
And like, sure they’re tall, but are they tall intellectually? Certainly we can’t walk a runway with our three feet of legs to strut, but we can impact the world in more constructive ways than modeling. We can let our brains do the walking by becoming nurses and saving lives. We can stimulate the brains of our youth through teaching. We can write blogs that serve no virtual purpose, other than to make one laugh at their own jokes and hope that others laugh, too. Sure, we won’t be rich with the forty-six million (!!!) that Gisele makes in a year, but we will be rich with love and self-worth. And at the end of the day what is more important?
Or it could be one more thing, that perhaps Victoria’s Secret just cannot handle our curves. That totally has to be it.
We have to work our defining traits! They might be one dimple instead of the natural two on a set of slightly rosy cheeks (Mom swears I don’t have Rosacea but I totally, totally do), or a flat left foot due to an ankle surgery, but who is to say what’s beautiful, Christy Turlington?
At the end of the day we need to remember that we are not supermodels because we choose to accept paths suited for greatness, despite our lack of 9 foot legs. We can find our own ways to date the Orlandos, Mr. Bradys, and the freshly titled “Sexiest Man Alive,” Adam Levines of the world. And like, whatever Gisele, with the forty-six million, you know? In reality, the answer to this is all important question is that we don’t even want to be supermodels.
Except yeah we do.