“Santa’s not real. It’s not logical. What about the reindeer? Have you ever seen a reindeer fly?”
“Well I haven’t.”
“Have you ever seen a million dollars?”
“Just because you haven’t seen it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.”
-Neil and Charlie, The Santa Claus
Ew you’ve gotten so fat since we’ve last talked. Gross. Thanksgiving has clearly done a number on you and I’m scared. I suggest you slow down on the gluten and speed up on an oxygen diet. In layman’s terms, this is the practice of taking three giant gulps of air the very second you feel the disgusting pang of hunger. Then pray to your higher power of choice that those breaths didn’t accidentally contain any calories.
So, ok. Today is a huge day in terms of major life events for both you and I. Not only is it the first day of The 25 Days of Christmas on ABC Family–practically a global holiday in itself–but it is also the day I got my laptop back from the repair shop, which should explain my recent hiatus.
However as it HAPPENS, I have fallen victim to a rare kind of laptop hijacking, as I have caught a virus that could only have been concocted in the depths of hell. I can’t go into this any further because my emotions have reached their absolute limit today and Tim Allen deserves my full attention in The Santa Claus, but I had to let you know, you know?
Now, because I have been having major grade blogging withdrawals and also because I have been planning this for MONTHS, I have chosen to collectively fuck all aforementioned laptop drama and use the family Mac tonight so that I could brief you all on The 25 Days of Blogmas! *Shrieks!!!*
If you know me at all, and you do, you know that Christmas is my favorite time of year. For instance:
- At the first of every month I have a melt down and scream because it isn’t December yet.
- I throw a (eh, em) monumental Christmas party for all of my friends.
- I plan my Christmas Eve pajama set starting on January 1st of each year.
- I secretly (or now, not so secretly) clasp a letter before bed each night that Santa Claus wrote me when I was four.
Anyway because of this, I’ve decided to blog every day in December leading up to Christmas! It’s going to be … seriously insanely fun. Are you not um, SO EXCITED? I can’t wait. So if you love Christmas, or me, or holiday tips and tricks, or chestnuts roasting on an open fire, or sex and drugs (kidding … maybe) then you have a lot to look forward to.
Now do me a favor. Take a lesson from Charlie and keep the Christmas spirit alive this holiday season! Sing a song when you want, lend a hand when you can, share some magic when there isn’t any to be found, and pray that my fucking computer gets fixed.
See you tomorrow, ok? Don’t be late.
KP, Number 1 on the Nice List