Let me set something up for you. It’s Thursday. You wake up in the morning and immediately catch a half hour stint of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, one where Will’s favorite friend gets thrown out of the house by Uncle Phil. What’s that guy’s name again? (Smirks.)
Needing some background noise while you get ready, you find your vintage record player from the basement and listen as the soul rocking voice of Ray Charles swiftly fills the air with a little “Georgia On My Mind.” Maybe even a little “Fly Me To The Moon” action a la Frank Sinatra? Screw the coffee, you make a nice lemon honey tea, with just a hint of jazz-mine. Do you see where I’m going with this?
Wait. That’s not how you spent your Thursday morning? Well I’m bored by your choices, but luckily for you I have just the trick (!!!) to get your jazz fix for the day. And if that is how you spent your morning, you are my soul mate, and this is just One More Thing you can add to your jazz consumption this evening.
OMTKP Visits: Jazz In The Park
If you live in the greater Milwaukee area, and you should, every Thursday night some smooth, jazzy band plays for an audience consisting only of wine-drinking hipsters, downtown interns who are networking over cheese and beer, and families accompanied by tiny children and similarly tiny old people. All other spectators that don’t fit in the former categories (me) are the minority.
What’s super great is that it’s super free. Except it’s not free because they “encourage” you to buy food, drinks and trinkets, but I just feel like I’m giving them the payment of my presence and that is worth way more than a twelve dollar bottle of wine. I usually buy the wine though, anyway. Charity.
You see, I can always use a good excuse to drink wine, and besides that, it’s a good excuse to put together an Etta James inspired look from the sixties. Go full winged liner and talk about how your “lonely days are over.” Just try not to let your eclectic picnic neighbors cramp your style while discussing the “insularity within the Milwaukee music movement,” or whatever that means. With that, I want to give you a list of how to make the most of your Jazz in the Park experience, since I have been there *twice* now and am therefore a jazz expert.
Don’t: Park eleven blocks away, pay the ten dollars to park next to the venue. Parking is not a time in which to be frugal, especially when wine is involved.
Do: Show up fashionably late to the 5:00 Happy Hour at approximately 5:35. This will give you just enough time to wait in line for one happy hour drink and you’ll feel like you just saved an a** load of money without compromising your cool factor–very important.
Don’t: Refer to yourselves, or this event for that matter, as “classy” just because you are drinking a 24oz bottle of Rosé. That is like, the least classy thing you could ever possibly do ever.
Do: Bring a blanket that’s slightly too big for the group you’re with, in order to give you all some much-needed breathing/gossiping room, but not so big that you can’t mingle with the jazz lovers. Music is all about uniting people, after all.
Don’t: Put your beer on the ground while taking pictures for your blog because you WILL forget and you WILL knock it over and you WILL get mad because $6.50.
Do: Scalp out one of your friends that likes to dance. Grab said friend and pretend you’re out on a date with Sinatra, playing among the stars. Then head up front and dance with all the classically trained couples and drunks alike, as one would do at a jazz festival.
Don’t: Drive afterwards. Arrange for a designated doormat and have them drive you home. OR go to a fabulous restaurant that has an obscenely good bread situation going on, in order to absorb all that Moscato, i.e. Louise’s.
Do: Bring your food instead of buying it there. You can opt for a healthier and cheaper alternative, even though it is probably-maybe-possibly frowned upon to bring your own. Just make it up to them by buying drinks. Even Steven.
Jazz In The Park lasts until September Fourth, so get over there while you can! For more information, visit their website or call me personally, I’ll leave my number at the bottom*. The music stops at 9pm sharp, but you can always linger and look for cute boys like the psychopath you probably are. If you’re in for a fun night or you’re my stalker, you can find me there tonight. I’ll be the one with a beehive up-do convincing strangers that my boyfriend really is the ghost of Frank Sinatra singing,
“Moon river, wider than a mile
I’m crossin’ you in style some day
Old dream maker, you heartbreaker
Wherever you’re goin’, I’m goin’ your way
Two drifters, off to see the world
There’s such a lot of world to see
We’re after the same rainbow’s end, waitin’ ’round the bend
My huckleberry friend, Moon River, and me.”
OH MY GOD AW I’m bawling. Where’s the wine?
*Are you serious I’m not giving you my number.