I can never be one hundred percent certain on anything as I am neither a psychic nor a fortune-teller, however I can be certain of this: half of you have known what you were going to wear tomorrow since last Halloween, and half of you still have no idea.
For those of you who planned ahead, I applaud you. You crave attention and I seriously get it, my dog Bindy is the same way in that she’s known for eleven months that she was going as “Bindy-ana Jones” this year (SO CLEVER I KNOW). For those of you who aren’t as attention seeking but also have a huge time management issue, let me be your costume spirit guide and give you One More Thing you can throw together as a perfect last-minute costume. Channeling past versions of me is a great idea for all of us, surely.
You could go as me as a baby. I had a lot of dope costumes as a mini-Kiley, but these are for sure my favorite. You could easily shrink down to the tiniest version of yourselves and be me as Cookie Monster. Me as a Chiquita bonita Macarena diva! Or me as a Giants cheerleader which I am very unclear about Mom and Dad because we are Packer people ??? Still cute.
Or you could go as a grown up baby — a la onesie, as I did my freshman year of college.
You and a friend could go as a comprehensive and cohesive duo i.e., a cow and a fashion reject, Dorothy and a bottle of ketchup, or you could go easy on yourselves, bring a large box to the party, and sit in it all night in silence with your friend and be presents.
You could shave off all of your eyebrows and go as me in 2008.
You could go as an ’80s queen! Opt for heavy blush, white Keds, a leotard, and insane lightning bolt earrings that match an even more insane plastic ring. Pair with highlighter leggings, leg warmers, legs, etc.
You could go as your favorite Football player if you’re honestly that lazy. I’m totally not ridiculing you if that’s your angle, it can work.
Please don’t go as Little Red Riding Hood because God, it’s just too expensive to buy one of those costumes when you could make one of your own. But if you absolutely have to buy one, buy Red Riding Hood. Do you get what I’m saying?
You could go as me from the Kentucky Derby and be a wet piece of trash.
You could go as a Glamour Gangster as shown to the left. Or–and this is more my speed–a Candy Land Girl *gone* Gangster. You can tell everyone that you are trading the “sweet life” (get it?!) for a life of crime … obsessed.
You could be a cheerleader for your favorite team which is the Louisville Cardinals because they’re the only team.
You could be a baseball coach ready to whip some baseball hotties into shape! I used my friend’s baseball pants and a windbreaker, but you could wear a jersey or something, I don’t know figure it out. WARNING: This outfit tends to leave you with no pockets for keys, so you will probably have to break into your own house through a window as shown in the picture below.
You could go as me as Tom Cruise in Risky Business. Red lip, a full set of lashes, done. But you risk jail time in this outfit FYI because people will ask you if you’re a “one night stand” and you’ll be like, “No?! Why would I ever be that ever?!” and then you’ll have to beat them to death.
I was a kitty last year. I did a lot of contour which is pretty typical with my costumes. I’ll throw in a few pictures to show you what I mean.
If you follow me on Instagram you’ve already seen this zombie look that I LOVE. I used white face paint, contoured with black eye shadow, and painted on lashes with liquid liner. I ripped up a perfectly good top from Free People which I’m still pretty bummed about, but it complimented the fake blood and liquid latex perfectly so I wasn’t really given a choice.
The other week for our bowling league I was a leopard which was super easy to do. Hello, it’s the exact look as my kitty last year, except leopard clothes and ears instead of kitten ones… obviously. Mrowww.
And there you GO wasn’t that GREAT? Good luck recreating the impeccable costumes above. Or, you could just save all the money and the hassle and go as a nudist, which I’ve done, but I obviously can’t show you that on here as I’m not a prostitute. Happy Halloween y’all! Be safe and don’t do drugs. Or people dressed as Aladdin.