So, everyone who wears shorts with tights realizes they’re kind of the worst, right?
As a fashion surveyor, I pride myself on keeping up with the times and studying what is both “cool” and “un-cool” in our world today. What I don’t understand is how we, as a culture, allow this weirdly uninspired and tasteless phenomenon to occur. With that said, if Anna Wintour told me it was “cool” to wear them, I would. But I probably wouldn’t like it probably at all.
If you want to recycle clothes despite the change of seasons, I get that. In fact I support you, Leonardo DiCaprio. I don’t understand you but I support you. However this must be done with taste. And sliding a pair of tights under your clearly spring patterned or cuffed denim shorts is not being thrifty and creative, it’s an abomination.
I cannot be completely sure but I am pretty sure that the road to hell is paved in women who wear the two of these together and while I’m wishy-washy on that suspected truth, I am sure that you do not want one of those women to be you. (That sentence alone should be one more thing to remember when you are assembling an outfit with both of these articles in hand.) And while I detest the combination, I believe it can be done to a less sickening degree with the right pair of legs and the right air of celebrity. So I will throw out some examples of when I think it works. To do this, though, severely pisses me off. Just so you know.
The common thread here is: black. You’ll notice two things about the choices I picked:
- The tights are all black. Always black. No color works for me or for them (so that means for you, too).
- If the shorts are not black, which they really should be, they are a dark color. A dark gray or in Jessica Alba’s case, a dark blue. If they did choose a color, the rest of their outfit is black or in the same color family. See Sienna and Alba.
Sienna and Gwen are repeat offenders, somehow they make it work. So look them up on Google if you inquire further.
If I see you on campus in denim with a fall tight, I may approach and verbally assault you/ralph on the spot. But don’t be offended; because you’re the unsightly creature that made such an awful decision. You basically deserve it.
What do you think about shorts with tights? Let me know!